Skinny People Problems - Toilet Time

Fair warning.  This is a bathroom post featuring genitalia.

My weight loss journey has brought me down under 220 lbs, my guess is that it'll be a few pounds under after today's massive poop... but my sit-down time this afternoon has presented me with one of the problems I am adjusting to as I shed pounds.

Over the last week, there have been a few times when as I sit on the pot, my balls take a dip.  This is a new experience for me and it confused me at first, because the water level in the toilet didn't seem higher, and my nuts don't seem to hang any lower than the did before, so why has this started happening?  It took a few brief moments of contemplation to realize the most likely answer is my weight loss has left me with several inches less padding on my posterior and thus I have lowered my important bits when I am seated. Do all skinny guys deal with this?

I had previously noticed that sitting on a hard surface, be it bench, chair, or toilet seat, is a less comfortable experience, with my ass feeling boneier than ever...  My solution to that was going to be to do some ass-centric workouts and put on a little meat back there... so far motivation has been even slimmer than the new "skinny me" though.  Maybe with this new discomfort I will re-invest in some squats, lunges, and back kicks.

Ingress is an augmented reality game that I play.  Unlike most people I play solo.  Back when I started you had to get an invite from a player to play, or request an invite from the game.  I overheard some people talking about it in a restaurant and asked the game for an invite, and mine came about 2 weeks later.  I never used any of the invites I was awarded by the game.

The main crux of ingress is basically going to public places of interest and claiming them for your team, or damaging the claim on it made by the opposing team.  I am part of the Resistance (blue team) opposed to the Enlightened (green team).  These places of interest are called portals in the game, and Ingress has had a system of identifying new spots for portals and editing portals that are inaccurate.  I noticed that many of the "info" fields about these places have been left blank, which is a shame, since part of the game is finding these things in your community.  I think I'm going to put some effort into researching some of  the local portals and getting some of the information about them shared.

Accomplishments

Oh yeah... I forgot to mention earlier, that I did, at the age of 35, finally complete an associates degree.  I graduated after the summer semester from Johnson County Community College with an Associate of Arts - Liberal Arts, an Associate of General Studies, and an Associate of Science - General Sciences degree.

While on the topic of awards and accomplishments, after 4 months in his Karate lessons, we let Minion earn his Karate Gi (uniform) today.  Very proud of our little man.  Today has almost been backwards compared to my last post about him.  He was a model citizen in his Karate class, despite plenty of distracting influences around him, but had 2 potty accidents today, which has become highly uncharacteristic from him of late.

Little Updates - Kids + Weight loss

For those of you keeping up on my boys, they are well.

All of Nugget's health issues previously mentioned have passed. He is doing a lot of pulling himself to standing and scooting along the edges of things. His favorite food right now seems to be paper products he finds within reach of his grabby little hands. He's typically happy and low maintenance.

Minion is doing pretty well, too.  I feel like were over the hump on the whole potty training thing finally.  He's in underpants during the days now, and his accidents are very rare.  He's been a rotten listener in Mr. Stillwell's karate classes when other students are there, so we are mixing in a few private lessons to help him focus.  His swim lessons came and went. He enjoyed them and wants to take more... we'll probably arrange for that. On our annual float trip, Minion came with me on the raft for the first time this year. He liked it pretty well.  He's a little river-rat, like his Dada and his Beba.  Would have been  in the river more and the raft less if I would have let him.

For those of you keeping up on my post-barbaric progress, it's going well.

I weighed in at 243.2 this morning. So I've lost about 154 lbs in a little over 6 months.  Still not hungry.  I don't eat myself sick anymore, but still eat to discomfort more than occasionally. Eating so much less, and with mine being a relatively low-fiber diet, there's been a lot less pooping.  I've gone from probably 10 or more times a week to 1-2 a week. Still an adjustment, but it's not a bad thing. loose skin is unpleasant, but tolerable.

I can run now... not fast or for long, but "run" is now on of my options for locomotion when it wasn't before. I also performed a few tricep dips; an exercise I haven't done in over a decade is available to me again now, too.

Soon I'll talk to you all about what going's on in my photography, but I'm out of steam tonight - going to go pass out, now.

The Dream

I am thankful for my job.  I get paid well for what I do. I have an excellent benefits package, too.  But... I know I am capable of more.  There is little about my job I find truly satisfying.  I used to adore interacting with my photographer clientele, but corporate has pulled the purse strings so tight now there there is no payroll budget to have any form of leisure time to glad-hand our pros.  I am a 100% balls-to-the-walls one-man-band style production when I'm in the lab.  Juggling the needs of the 3 or 4 people using our kiosks to place orders, filling ink, keeping the printer churning and burning, doing maintenance, calling old orders, cleaning up messes and general dirt and dust. We can't afford any overlapping shifts any longer. There is not actually time to tell someone I like there work and have a discussion about it. Since Nick left my lab, it's been a slow downward slide. None of the litany that have been in to take his place really care about photography. Some care about the lab, and the business, but not the art. Some of my pros quit feeling special, and left to go find more personalized treatment elsewhere. Others have just moved away. We're not attracting new artists. But the long and the short of it is that I am still damn good at my job, my job is easy for me, but the part of my job I was passionate about has been taken away from me.  Now it's just what I do to earn money.

When I had applied for a different position some time back, the interviewing manager asked if I thought my new position would be as fulfilling creatively for me. I don't remember if I actually laughed out loud, but I know my soul burst into a guffaw.  I don't find my work creatively fulfilling, my avocation is my creative outlet, my job is how I afford my avocation.

In the same interview she asked me to describe my ideal, dream job. I laid out a situation in which a rich patron decides they love my photography and offers to fund my experimentation into the medium - I simply shoot and edit and create the art I want, and get a steady, generous stipend for doing so.

Is that too much to ask?

In the intervening years, I've considered how I would prefer to make money.

The "dream" right now would be to have a fine art photography studio, with lots of space and spaces devoted to shooting everything from Micro- and Macro- photography through large scale studio shoots. There would be darkroom and a light-room editing suite. Attached to the studio would be a gallery where my artwork, and perhaps the artwork of my photo associates, is on display and for sale. and of course an office where the paperwork gets handled.

In the dreamiest versions,  my closest photog friends and I use the studio, and go out on shoots, develop our art, and our gallery becomes a destination. Like Studio 291.  I hire my buddy Jake to be the manager and maintain the staff and paperwork and stuff, and he and my photogs make good bank doing this.

But...
instead...
I'd better go find my namebadge...
I will need it to punch the clock tomorrow so I can go earn some money doing the daily grind, utilizing a skillset most highschoolers could develop, only doing it at a masterclass level that comes with 15 years of spinning your wheels in the same profession.

I'm still here.

It's been a while since my last update. I have 2 unfinished draft-posts floating around out there... one from the first of June and one in early July...  They are no longer as topical and timely as they were... I may re-edit and post them anyway.

As for my weight loss journey.  Things are going well. I'm down a little more than 150 pounds since I started the per-surgery liquid diet at the very end of January. I'm under 250 pound, maybe for the first time in my adult life. Depending on the brand I'm wearing L or XL shirts and a few XXLs that I refuse to give up on yet.  I'm in size 40 "loose fit" cut jean shorts.  Size 42 carpenter cut.

One of my buddies talked about buying himself a new wardrobe of nerd fandom clothes once he loses about 30 pounds or so.  I was a little jealous. I have very little in the way of nerd fandom clothes right now. I have some very nice, quite sensible, professional looking hand-me-downs that I am very grateful and thankful for.  I actually really like my new silk shirt I inherited, but when it comes right down to it. Nothing about anything in my wardrobe is something I went out and got because I wanted it. None of it says anything about me.

One thing about me is I'm broke.  Well not REALLY broke... I'm actually doing better than most, financially... but I have a lot of expensive things I want to buy, so my money is spent before I even earn it. I want to finish stomping our mortgage out of existence... My wife is in need of a newer car... I intend to acquire an upgraded camera... I want to get a new ultra-wide angle linticular lens, too... eventually I am going to pay for skin removal surgery...  All big ticket items that means my clothing budget is in the "you're broke" range, even though we make acceptable incomes and have no debt other than our home.

But since I'm "broke" and want clothes, I go where broke people shop for clothes.

I get a batman teeshirt and boxers, 2 belts I like, the afore mentioned jean shorts, they had polos on clearance, and I got several for $5 each. And though their nerd-tees are not over priced, and there is currently a wide selection... I balk at spending the cash especially since I typically wear my work clothes all day so I'd only dress in my geek-gear 2 days a week at most.

But later... on amazon...  I had a brilliant idea.  Iron-on patches! I'm going to nerd up my cheap-ass polos that I wear to work with some nerd patches, which run between three and four dollars shipped. So for $9 or less I'll have a work-appropriate nerd shirt. Genius!

None of this is actually what I logged into Blogger to post about tonight. I was about to delve into that here... but then thought "tl;dr"

This is enough for one post.  I'll make my intended topic it's own post.

We'll see

Today I may have convinced one of the managers at my location to start coming to Judo with me.  Don't know if he'll actually show up though. We'll see.
On Thursday, Minion was still awful in his afternoon karate class.  The new girl is setting him off. There's a boy there about his age who is acting dead-on perfect though... I asked Minion to emulate him instead of her.  We'll see.
The camera and lens I loaned to another photographer 3 weeks back came back today. The one I loaned out 8 months back came back last week. Still out on loan is a tripod to one photog and a camping tent to another... don't know if I'll ever see either of those again.  Guess we'll see.
So far I have gotten perfect scores on both of my Econ quizes, and on the one assignment that's been graded.  Will my second assignment, and the work that I have yet to turn in all come back with all the available points scored? We'll see.
Potty training with Minion is progressing slowly.  I had hoped he'd be out of his diapers by now. How much longer will this phase of his life take? We'll see.  But no matter how frustrated I become at this, I cannot understand this "father" beating his 3 year old son son so hard it killed him, over potty training. That's something I could have gone without seeing.
My cousin's daughter ran away yesterday.  I learned about it this morning on Facebook. The police found her this afternoon. I neither know what prompted that decision, nor what will happen next. We'll see.
I'm re-working a poster of the managers and administrative staff at work to reflect recent promotions and transfers. Some people had expressed a level of distaste for the image currently being used for them, so I made a sign to post offering re-shoots since I am re-working the poster now anyway. Wonder if anyone will take me up on that. We'll see.

Toddlers are still Assholes

So Tuesday afternoon's karate class was a complete disaster. Mr Kinser, my Jujitsu instructor, was subbing in for Mr. Stillwell, while he and his wife went to a baseball game for her birthday. There was a new student in Minion's class. She is quite a bit older than him... maybe 7 or 8, and has a teenage sister who had been a student of Mr Stillwell's in the past. She wasn't just happy or excited to be there... she was giddy.  She bounced in place clapping and giggling with the energy of a dozen Jack Russle Terrier Puppies radiating off of her.

It was contagious. Minion was hopelessly unfocused before class ever started. 2 other little boys showed up and they were relatively clam and focused. The girl kept getting out of line, but a word or two from Mr. Kinser and she'd snap back into proper behavior. Not my boy, however. As soon as she acted goofy, he had to one up her, and no words were going to pull him back in line that day. While concepts were being explained, he'd wonder off to play with the punching bag.  While students were practicing kicks, he was rolling around on the floor.  This was the least cooperative I had ever seen him in class.  He was being a little asshole to MY instructor. It was mortifying.

Well see how this afternoon goes.

Today he told me, "When you fall down you do it on the mat so you don't break your head." Wise words, little man, wise words.  I did explain to him that practicing on the mat, to keep your head safe when you fall, is so that when you DO fall when there isn't a mat, you do it right so that you won't break your head.

I let him use gardening shears to prune our fence line today, until it started raining on us.

Do larks really look happier than other birds?

Nugget is still less interesting to talk about.  He ate strawberry puree. He pooped. He played with a big plastic ring. His ear infection doesn't seem to concern him one little bit. Happy as a lark.

So far, the first week of Economics class seems to be off to a good enough start. No news there, really.  I aught to be working on my first paper for that class, or prepping for my quiz instead of blogging, but... screw that. I wanna get a blog post up, so here I am.

You don't here me talk politics very much...  and you probably won't going forward. It's not my thing. I am generally in agreement with the late great Douglas Adams; anyone capable of being elected into office should never be entrusted with the job.  I have lost all respect for politicians and the politcal process. I consider myself a fiscal conservative and a social liberal; like the Koch brothers.  Unlike them, I am unwilling to support bat-shit crazy candidates who oppose my social views in order to elect the people who support my fiscal views.

So far in this election the only candidate I have any actual respect for is Bernie Sanders, because he has zero interest in talking about other candidates, and wants to focus on policies and issues.  He's not out fundraising, he's out campaigning on his policies.  I don't agree with all of them. But it has been refreshing to see someone who has dropped the rhetoric and mudslinging down to normal human levels and talks about issues when running for office.

I have some other things to discuss, like my weight, gut issues, pooping... Potty training toddlers...  "What to do around Kansas City" ... Ya know, stuff.

But it sounds from here like nap time is over for both of the little ones... so that will all have to be in another post or two.

Some Hard Lessons

Two lessons I learned in Judo last night: When your back is finally feeling good, don't try to struggle your way out of kesa gatame, and it is distinctly unpleasent to have your right (migi) gonad trod upon. Neither lesson will have resulted in permanent damage.

On a less unpleasant note, Nugget doesn't have Chicken Pox, his rash is some other unidentified but non-contagious virus according to his pediatrician.  And looks like the antibiotics didn't clear up his ear infection... or he has a new one. Either way - new meds for the tiny guy.

Enrolled Minion in swim lessons that start at the beginning of July. I feel guilty he hasn't been around water more.  At his age he aught to be comfortable swimming.  His Karate classes are going great, he pays decent attention when there are no other students there!  He's been getting private lessons pretty often right now because Blue Valley Rec is in-between sessions, and a lot of Mr. Stillwell's students come in through them.  All the better for Minion.

The A from my Comp II class is on my transcript now.  Brings me up over a 3.0
GPA again.  I have Economics over the summer semester, and I think I may re-take Algebra in the fall to mend my grade in it.  I was a smart-ass when I originally took it and tried to game the system. It sort of worked.  I showed up twice and got a high enough grade to count towards my degrees... but it won't transfer, and disallows me to take further mathematics courses if I wanted to. Getting a D is just not good enough.  There are a few other courses that I had failed in my youth that re-taking would improve my GPA even more, but they are less important for further schooling, if I choose to go that route.

I did apply to graduate following the summer semester.  Once Economics is complete, I will have met the requirements for an A.A. in Liberal Arts, and A.G.S. in General Studies, and an A.S. in General Sciences.

A pox on my family

Day care told us that our 7 month old had regrettably been exposed to chicken pox at their facility last week.  begining today we've noticed a fever and the first signs of a rash, to go along with our unusually cranky baby. This could be a long week. My wife can not miss work Wednesday.  If I have to call in to stay home with the boy, I'll miss out on my holiday pay for Memorial Day. Uhg.

What goes up...

So, yesterday was my first time on a ladder where I did not technically exceed the manufacturers safety weight limit... it was a combination of an industrial ladder with a 350lb limit and my weight loss which has me down to 277 this morning...  Oh but don't worry... I couldn't JUST go up a ladder that was finally theoretically safe... I chose a well broken one to use. Then today at home, I abused my 200lb weight limit step stool to work on the ceiling in the 3 year old's room, just to make up for NEARLY being safe the day before.

Time Machine

I found out today that my company is replacing the 10 year old print-making equipment we use in our photolab with a refurbished machine from another manufacturer that runs 6% faster, and easier to fill with chemicals when it runs out, but is harder to do maintenance on, runs with only 2 paper rolls loaded at a time instead of 4, and cannot print the 12x24 and 12x36 print sizes we offer now.  We have some people who make a lot of those, who will be disappointed.  I uses those sizes for some of my shots too...  I print my lightning shot as a 12x36 most of the time.

When we upgraded to our current equipment in 2005, the lab was supposed to experience just 2 days of downtime, but it took the techs 5 to get us up and running. This will be a downgrade (in my opinion) and I am not excited about this change.  The vague e-mail said only that this would be happening before the Christmas season.  I was originally trained on the same brand (older models) of equipment that we will be getting...  Time to knock a decade of dust and rust off that old skillset and get mentally flexible enough re-learn. *Groan*

Well, didn't see THAT coming.

Something unexpected happened yesterday at work; they named me the Employee of the Month for April.  My department saw it's busiest month ever outside of a Christmas season, and we did it understaffed due to an employee quitting without notice, but still, I wasn't expecting that. As a matter of fact, my supervisor and I had been conspiring to recognize the employee who did the most to bail us out of out bind, and who we consequently hired out of his current department and into ours.  When I asked her if he had gotten it, she was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Congratulations," she said, "I nominated YOU instead, and you were voted in!" Apparently I beat out 5 other nominees, and 4 managers had planned to nominate me.

So a selfie for the EoM board it is.

Today had some moments in it. The little karateka did alright in class today, but was still distracted like a 3 year old. Afterwards I took a detour on the way home and checked out 2 options for tots swim lessons, because he aught to know the basic water safety stuff, and have a calm happy relationship with water... right now I'm pretty sure if he fell in, he would panic.  Not good, and it's something that as a former WSI I feel pretty guilty about. Still shopping after looking at those.

We stopped at BK for lunch.  I got a Jr. Whopper for me and an order of chicken fries for the boy. I stole one of his fries, ate most of my sandwich... for the last 2 bites worth, I ditched the rest of the bun and just ate the innards.  I should have done that from the get-go... I over ate. Oui! So Full!  No good.  Can't keep it all in...  That happens sometimes now when I eat too quickly, or just plain don't stop when I really should (but there's only one bite left!)  So I pull over in a parking lot, near a dumpster...  I position myself between some landscaping and the wall of the dumpster enclosure, so no passerbys are likely to witness the disgustingness, and everything will land on grass where Mother Nature will take care of it over time, and with it being right next to the dumpster, it's unlikely the smell will be the strongest odor in the area... I figured it was as fortunate a spot for an unfortunate occurrence as I was likely to get.  Of course all of this parking and noticing and thinking happened in the span of a few brief seconds before lunch, which was my first meal today, came back up.  Just after it did I see a sudden movement from a space about a foot to the left of where it had landed. A previously unnoticed Blue Jay cocked his head at me and gave me an angry glare.

I apologized to him for puking in his home and possibly hitting him with some splatter... He squawked angerily and hopped deeper into the brush.

Once I finally got home, we reviewed some of the karate stuff with the boy, fed the baby, let the kids watch some TV and Play with some toys for a bit before nap time.  Then I worked on wrapping up the last of my papers for my Comp II course.  I have an unfortunate history of signing up for Comp II and then not going to many of the classes, not doing the papers and the like...  I have 4 Fs on my college transcript with Comp II next to them...  Not this time though.  I attended ever single session - including the one the day after I was stabbed 5 times and had an internal organ carved out of me.  Every paper has been written, revised, revised and revised and it is likely the two I turned in tonight are DONE.  If so I have an A in the class and it's over.  I'll find out when I show up Thursday.  If they need further revision, I have 3 hours Thursday to accomplish that. Regardless, I have defeated the dreaded COMP II beast, and can move on.

After I trekked up to the college to turn in the papers, I went off to Judo, where Mr Kinser finally remembered to bring in the list of belt requirements for me to take home and study. Class went well, we covered most of the techniques for the 2nd (of 5) test for the 2nd belt.  While we were in class Mr. Paul Hearter, one of Mr. Kinser's black belts, showed up to chat with Mr. Stilwell, so I hung out after class to listen in to their chatter.  I love hearing the Bushidokan old guard talk.

One thing I've noticed

I've had some soreness in my muscles that I believe to be unrelated to any of my increased activity. I ponder whether this is related to a loss of my intermuscular adipose tissue, or maybe muscle loss from reduced load weight and sudden shift in nutrition...  regardless, there has been some body aches.

On the flip side though, I can make a tight fist with my right hand again.  For a while, I couldn't.  I had a strong grip- I could have squeezed the heck out of a roll of silver dollars... but a roll of dimes would have been too small for me to squeeze...  now I have my fist back.

My weigh-in this morning was at 280.6 down from a peak of 397.2 on January 26. 116.6 lbs in 110 days. So, about 1.06 pounds a day since I began the pre-surgery, 2-week, all-liquid diet to soften my liver... extrapolating out... with a goal weight of about 200 pounds, I aught to be about 76 days out, at this rate. That puts me hitting goal on August first!

Realistically, that will not at all be the case, I was losing many pounds a day at the very first, and the rate has been tapering. Right now I'm losing about 3 lbs a week, which is more like hitting goal on the 21st of November.  If you figure my rate will probably continue to taper, I think maybe aiming for the Starting 2016 at goal weight might sound reasonable.

I think I crapped my brains out.

Hmm, does that mean I have sh*t for brains? ... Probably.

Honestly, the mental mistakes began yesterday night as I was getting ready for bed.  I knew it was Thursday night, but for some reason I had Wednesday's schedule in my head, and I set my alarm with plenty of time to get the boys to daycare and make it to work by 9:30.

When my alarm went off I heard my wife getting the 3 year old ready to leave... "Oh yeah, it's Friday-- she takes the bigger buddy boy in on her way into work today." *SNOOZE* but before too much longer my gut grumbled greasily and I knew I had to get up.

What I didn't know yet was that I was going to make an attempt to propel myself into orbit with a hydrolic jet.  I felt awful. Among other things, I was feeling guilty for soiling the toilet.  When Mom had come over yesterday to help with the kids, she had scrubbed it clean... and this was... unclean.  The type of unclean where I needed Clorox wipes to clean the underside of the toilet seat.

I had weighed myself before I sat down. Once I was finally done and cleaned up, I got back on the scale. I had lost 1.6 lbs. And then, I wasn't done anymore. Round two struck. while that worked it's way through my system, I posted to FB and called in to work - there was no way I was going to make it by 9:30 in this condition. In between my 3rd and 4th bouts I tracked down some Imodium.

I found some irony in calling in today.  I had seriously considered playing hookey on Wed to get a research paper written for school, but I just couldn't do it.  Work needs me, and I am a responsible adult, and a reliable person, and all that jazz. I have a duty. Today doodie was more important than duty.  I didn't call in on Wed, but spent all day Thurs before class grinding on it, and got it to an acceptable enough place that after only a few in-class revisions the instructor dubbed it an A worthy paper... Now I call in on my NEXT shift instead, when I'm not under the gun.

Last time I was late getting the 6mo old to daycare, they were concerned, so once I felt it was safe to venture more than a minute from the bathroom, I packed up the baby, gave him the last his anti-ear-infection meds and a bottle, and headed to daycare.

As I was pulling into the parking lot I thought about how I always check in on the 3 yr old when I drop the baby off, and see how he's acting at lunch time...  but it's pretty darned early for lunch, isn't it?  This is when I first realize that this is FRIDAY and that means I should be on FRIDAY'S schedule... I wouldn't typically drop Nugget off for another hour and a half, because I'm not scheduled to work until 12:05.  This is when I decided I must have flushed my brain today.

I went and got a McIcedTea, and wondered about town for about an hour. By then the boy was starting to get restless, but I didn't figure dropping him off 20 minutes early today would hurt anything... Besides... I needed to find another bathroom... I wasn't certain there were more problems, but I didn't want to risk a fart at this point.

I abuse 1/2 price books for their facilities- things aren't right, but they are better than before. I shop around their photo section, martial arts section, amime, software, etc. and pick up a $5 book on a famous oddball photographer.

I head home and see a garage sale on my street, so I stop and look.  There's a steel dump truck toy that my older boy would adore, but there is no one manning the sale.  I knock on the door, and offer $2. Offer accepted, I take the prize home and leave in where the boy will notice it first thing when he comes in the door.

But walking home from the sale I noticed something I felt was photogenic, and I hadn't shot much recently... since the light was good and I didn't have much on my slate just now, I grabbed my camera and headed back to take a few shots. The shots of the neighbor's discarded furniture didn't come out quite like I had seen it in my mind's eye... but the crack in the weatherworn, wet sidewalk with the helicopter seeds pretty much did. In the full resolution image, there's a ton of little details.

I worked on polishing up one of my other English papers so I can turn in a revised draft for an improved score next week, and while I was chipping away at that, The Wife came home with the boys. Soon after, we headed out to Mama China for dinner.  My wife and I have been trying to arrange a Chinese buffet night for some time now, but things keep falling through.  The big boy is old enough now that we have to pay for him, but that's fine... he likes the fruit, chicken, noodles, and sweets. He eats well when we go to "the cookie restaurant."  My wife also gets the buffet, but since I have such a limited capacity, I order a dish off the menu and will have leftovers for a week.  The 6 mo old "eats" free, so Michele lets him play with a few rice noodles, a smashed pea,  a grape cut into eighths, a section of mandarin orange cut up... and I joke "What, no pudding?"

The boy plays with the foods and considerably more of his tiny helping ends up on the floor than in his belly. When wifey goes up for seconds, she also comes back with tiny dollops of the 2 pudding flavors on their cold service bar.  She breaks out the baby spoon and readies a itty-bit of the chocolate pudding, and puts it in the child's mouth. He looks unhappy, drawing  an "Awwww" from his folks. Then there's a little cough and my wife says, "buddy, it's just pudding, I don't think there's anything there to choke on." And that was my 6 mo old's cue to spew like a fountain.

It came in three rapid volleys, and thankfully didn't draw much attention from the waitstaff or other guests. We cleaned him up, changed his clothes, wiped things down as well as we could with a pile of napkins and a few diaper wipes, and took the boys home.

On the way home my darling wife pointed out this was sort of a belated mother's day dinner, since that's about when our first Chinese Buffet plans starting getting derailed...  And that makes 2 mother's day dinners in a row that ended when one of our children puked on her. Last year, the one that was outside her belly at the time got sick at the steakhouse we were at with my parents on Mother's day. I told her next year we should get a baby sitter.

Disposal delima.

My 3 yr old was devastated. He came to me a sobbing, half naked, wreck. I had sent him into the bathroom to go potty before bed, and what ever had traumatized him occurred after he had taken his diaper off.  It took a few moments to coax words out between his wails, but eventually he let me know he needed his blankie back out of the trash.

I assured him everything would be okay warned him that his blankie may need a bath after it comes out of the trash, to prepare him for going to bed without his blankie tonight, then I went to go help my son retrieve his most sacred possession.

I figured he had foolishly fetched it from his room on the way to the bathroom, and had dropped it into the diaper-filled trashcan by accident... but once I laid eyes on the situation I realized my son's folly.  Buried under a layer of soiled diapers was a wash-worn, threadbare swath of white cloth that was not, in fact, his blankie.  It was, instead, a discarded pair of underwear that I had judged too loose to continue wearing because of my 110 pounds of weight loss in the last 3 months.  It probably should have died long ago on account of condition, but regardless it was tossed this morning. I showed him that his blankie was safe on his bed, and not in the trash. He went potty, put a nighttime diaper on, and climbed happily into bed to snuggle his blankie.

In an entirely unrelated note, there was a free health screening at work today.  I ranked in the lowest risk class for heart disease, with a less than 1% chance of suffering its effects within the next 10 years.

Cluster Hump

I stayed up last night making edits to a poster we keep with all the pictures and names of the supervisors, managers and administrators at the store I work at.  My company has low turnover for a retail environment, but... it's still retail... and promotions are always happening, so the poster needs frequent maintenance to stay up-to-date.  I realize at 11:30 last night I didn't copy down the new Assistant General Manager's last name, and don't know it.  I txt or Facebook msg the handful of co-workers who are both (1) up at that hour and (2) friendly enough with me to find it normal for me to contact them... None of them knew, either.

My 6 mo old was fussy and not sleeping at all last night. So even after I stopped being productive on the poster, there was no sleeping.  I crashed at 1am, but remember my wife getting out of bed to take care of the boy at 2... and 6.  I got up at 7 to start my day.

First thing I did was call work and get the A.GM's name.  Finish the poster. Go to order a print of it from my photo lab through our website... and the website is down.

TimeWarner is sometimes pretty wonky, and the gear running my wireless network at home isn't terribly reliable either... so I chalk it up to my connection, copy the JPEG to a thumb drive, and bring it with me to work.

Before I clock in, I show the image to the other A.GM, and she points out I forgot to remove a supervisor who transferred to another building. I forgot to mess with him in part because they haven't filled his position again yet.  oops.  She told me to print it anyway, and update it after the replacement is announced, probably later this week.

Oh, and she need to talk to me once I clock in.
Convenient she should mention that... it's time to clock in RIGHT NOW.

I hit the time-clock, go back into the office and get turned down for the position I applied for. Not really surprised, and I don't dislike where I am at, so it's not a huge deal for me, but still a little let down.

Get back to my photohut to find the company's photolab server's are down; it wasn't just my connection. No internet orders today ... and since the boss closed down early last night to run some maintenance on the printer, the 90 minute order delay had been in effect for all of the orders that had been downloaded to the lab before the web broke.

Which turned out to be a small blessing because even thought the Net orders were not comming in, I was soon to be running behind...  one of the paper-magizne bays on my printer was malfunctioning, and trying to diagnose and repair it was eating minutes... meanwhile the equipment we use to refill customer's printer ink cartridges was fritzing... and the phone was ringing 2 lines at a time with customers informing me they couldn't place online orders and demanding I either fix it or tell them how long the outage would last.

When it rains, it pours.

On the bright side... I HAVE lost more than 100 lbs. since I started...

A Whole New Person

I don't know how many people have asked whether I feel like a whole new person now... but it's a lot.

Honestly no, not at all.  I feel completely like myself.  It is easier to get up and down the stairs, to stand up out of couches and chairs, and to get off of the floor.  My stomach isn't preventing as much of my flexibility as it had recently, and I am sleeping better... but mentally, emotionally, and in several ways, physically, I am as I was, and as I will be. As of Monday I broke the 300 lb barrier. One I had not crossed since a few years before my 3 year old was born, and even then, the previous time only lasted one weigh-in before settling in around  320 for a while, then creeping back up to around 400 during the time before the surgery.

In order to maintian the suggested level of activity, I've committed to a year of Jujitsu/Judo lessons under Mr. Steve Kinser, at Mr. Steve Stillwell's dojo.  I'm encouraging everyone to join with me, and getting mixed results.  Most are balking at the price, which I really do understand, but it's still disappointing. I may have my supervisor on the hook though... I think it was due to having got her into the Dresden Files, where her favorite character is Karrin Murphy.  Muwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Just another day...

Texting - me to boss: How much must a customer DESERVE it before I am allowed to pluck her left eye from her inconsiderate skull? ... Hypothetically speaking.

boss to me: You can't do that, my friend. Sorry you had a bad one.

me to boss: Can I convince you to do it for me?

boss to me: lol, I don't know, man. I kinda need this job.

me to boss: I'll talk you into it in the morning.

Typically a 1/2 hour before we close, I start turning off all the equipment and cleaning up, counting down the cash register till and such. Once the doors close I take my paperwork up front and get it signed off on and my shift is over 5 minutes after the store closes.

I am not obligated to keep the machine running until 1/2 prior to close; being a 1 hour lab, 59 minutes until close and I could start shutting down and cleaning, but I generally like my customers and want to give them as much up-time as I reasonably can.

In an effort to bend over backwards in exceptional cases, I can sometimes hold out until just 15 minutes before close to shut down the equipment...  but that's about all I can really muster without going into unapproved overtime.  And now-a-days unapproved overtime is the only type of overtime there is, and it is frowned upon.

Tonight at T-minus 31 minutes until closing time, my phone is ringing.

I answer with my usual business greeting and on the other end of the line is a frantic mother who needs pictures tonight for her son's Eagle Court of Honor in the morning.

"A failure to plan on YOUR part does not constitute an emergency on MY part." I thought, but did not say.

She asks if she can get an order to me in the next 5 minutes, if I could still have it ready for pickup tonight.  I explain that it depends on how many images are in the order and what sizes she is ordering; without knowing that I can't tell how long it will take to print.  She lets me know she needs about 30 5x7 lustre prints.  I tell her that IF she gets the order to me in the next 5 minutes I can still get that done tonight.

At 20 minutes until close she calls back and lets me know she just hit the send button, and asks if I have her order to print yet.  I do not, but manually tell my computer to pull new orders down from the server and it starts downloading...  all 174 images for her 4x6s, 5x5, 5x7s, and 8x10s...  I try to tell her I'm not certain this will all download and print before the store closes, and she says she'll be here in 10 minutes and can wait for them if they won't kick her out once she's inside, then hangs up...  Well, Fuck.

A part of me want to say 'Fuck-it' and shut everything down.  "Tried to tell you it wouldn't be done tonight, sorry." But I have a reputation as a photo-miracle-worker, and my lab has a reputation of being one of the best in the metro, and my company is known WORLD WIDE for treating it's customers exceptionally well... so I commit myself to making it happen...

I'm irritated but not at eye-plucking levels yet...

She gets there a few scant minutes before the doors go down, and wonders around our closed store while I finish up her order.  I'm packing them up at closed+10 when she comes back by to pick them up and pay.  As I'm ringing her up she says "You know, I really did order more than I'm going to be able to use, I can return the ones I don't need, right?" ... ... ...

Are you shitting me? ... not quite there yet...

"Ma'am, we offer a satisfaction guarantee on all of the products we produce; if for any reason you are dissatisfied with the quality of the work we did, we would offer you a refund for the product, but normally on a custom order of photographic prints we would expect you to want what you have ordered."

"So if I return them, tell them that they are too fuzzy?"

NOW... now is when I'm thinking, It wouldn't be homicide if I just ripped out one eye... she would live, she would even adapt to having a fairly normal life.  She could be a pirate for Halloween. She's EARNED it!

"Thank you very much for doing this for me tonight, most people wouldn't have."  You're damn strait most people wouldn't have and YOU'RE the REASON people don't want to help people.  I bend over backwards for you and whilst I'm contorted so, you try to find a way to slip a knife into my back!  Your son may be an Eagle Scout, but you, madam, are an awful human being.

One of the managers I hold in high regard once said something that stuck with me...  and it kept ringing in my head tonight: At our company "we bend over backwards for our customers, but don't bend over forwards for them!"  I feel like she's trying to give it to me up the ass in this one.

The road to recovery

Last night had a few unpleasantries in store for me. Coughing is becoming less frequent, but has not entirely subsided yet, and is certainly still uncomfortable, but then there is the product of the cough. There is really only two possibilities when nasal congestion or coughing produces a mouth full of mucous. Neither is actually polite conversation, but then you are not reading my blog for that, you are reading it to know what it's like for me to go through bariatric surgery (and other general aspects of life) and sometimes what happens is just not polite.  Most of my phlegm of late has be deposited into tissues, then trashcans. Some out car windows or on to the grassy area near sidewalks, but as I'm trying to pass out in bed last night at 2 in the morning, I was going with option two... until option two got full.  There just isn't enough volume in my stomach to swallow much snot right now, and while trying to fall asleep I hit the limit.  I didn't quite get sick, but I was certain I shouldn't even swallow down my saliva for awhile and I got up and spent some time in the bathroom in case I didn't keep it down, and to give me a place to deposit further slimeballs.

While in there I emptied my bladder to another awkward surprise. For the first time in my life I experienced dick-farts. I warned you this wasn't going to be polite. As I was finishing my steam tapered and waned as expected, and at the end there was a sputtering as I peed air.  I knew gas in my system was causing me problems, but I had not yet considered every means for it's escape yet. That caught me completely off guard. It wasn't until almost 4 when I finally passed out in my armchair. My wife didn't say anything to me about it, but I think she was a little resentful that I wasn't more help in the morning before she took the boys in to daycare at noon.

Today was the first day I could start adding stuff to my intake, my wife had bought me some smooth, low-fat Greek yogurt, one of the suggested foods, and my first few spoonfuls were quite delightful. It was vanilla flavored, and it occurred to me that I still had minimum protein goals and my protein powder was also vanilla. So I mixed in a bout 1/4 serving of protein powder.  Much less tasty then. The two vanillas were not compatible. But 3-4 spoonfuls was all I was going to accomplish anyway, so I foiled up the top and put it back in the fridge.

Got out and about some today. I haven't taken my Rx pain meds since Wednesday, and I can turn plenty well enough to check my blind spots, so I took the van out and deposited a check we had, ran into the Independence Costco and replaced my hair trimmer since OP didn't have any left and buying them at Costco is still cheaper than a haircut. Went to a Halmark store and got my darling wife a Valentines card that I thought she'd appreciate. Then came home and buzzed my clown hairdo back to a normal bald-guy cut and reshaped my beard.  I wasn't done cleaning up the bathroom yet when the wife and kiddos got home.  The two year old was in a constant state of pestering Mom for some of the candy he got at school today, once she was the slightest bit settled in, she acquiesced to a single dose of sugar, and when the begging was reestablished moments later, she insisted the next dose would not be administered prior to dinner.

The boy was displeased by this response. To help redirect his energy I got his shoes and coat back on him and we ambled around the block talking extensively about trees and trucks and fire hydrants. When we returned home I directed him to the back yard where I pushed him on his swing until the chill and dark were enough for me and I told him it was time to go inside again.  He conned me into waiting long enough for him to take a trip down the slide first, then we went in where Mom was almost done making a big old pot of mac & cheese (semi-from-scratch) and some spanikopita.  I made about a third of a packet of instant oatmeal, plain. Not fair, is it.


 I decided that since 1% milk hit my "okay" list today, that I'd pick some up to mix up my protein drinks and oatmeal.  Also decided I would make my Wifey a nice romantic dinner for one tomorrow for Valentines night, and was going to pick up some asparagus spears as a side to the salmon fillet.  So after we put the 2 year old to bed for the first time, I went out to the grocery store. My okay list also includes pureed fruit, so I picked up blueberries and strawberries and some per-pureed gerber prunes... hey someone's got to poop again some day, ya know?

When I got to the milk isle I wasn't certain I was feeling like a whole gallon would be in order... So I was looking at the quarts and half gallons, and I noticed the local, hormone free, Shatto brand of milk there in the glass bottles.  I know a few people who advocate for that brand of milk, but I was feeling a little frugal so I went back to looking at the A&E, Highland Dairy, and Price Chopper brands... and soon realized that the Shatto was the cheaper choice, too. I bought 2 pints. I sipped one on the trip home.  It tasted like milk... not like the nothing some other milks taste like, this had milk flavor to it. I'm pretty darned happy with my choice.